When the Going Gets Tough
Last weekend when my husband and I were driving north on I-95 through Virginia on our way to visit friends in Maryland, we passed a sign that sparked a decades-old memory. Early in our marriage when we worked in Washington, D.C., we listened to the radio on our commute – specifically, “The Morning Zoo with Don and Mike” on 105.1 FM WAVA.
Contests were a big part of the listening experience, and we were both winners during the three years we lived in the D.C. area. I once solved a Wheel of Fortune puzzle based on the controversy of the moment for the Washington Redskins – the trade of beloved third-string quarterback Babe Laufenberg. The clue was “Coach Joe Gibbs needs this procedure.” The correct solution was “brain scan.” When I reported to the station to pick up my prize pack, I ran into legendary Redskins running back John Riggins.
My husband’s victory did not require skill – just persistence. Because he was the 105th caller to 105.1 at the designated time, he won $105. In retrospect, we could have used that unexpected windfall in a myriad of ways, since we were living paycheck to paycheck at the time. But what did we decide to do? Visit a theme park!
Kings Dominion, July 20, 1988
After making the drive south on I-95 to Kings Dominion, we spent the day literally throwing money away as we tossed objects at targets in the arcade, consumed delicious but unhealthy food like funnel cakes, and rode the elevator to the top of the replica of the Eiffel Tower. We chose that particular day to visit the park because for an extra $6 per ticket, we could attend the Billy Ocean concert.
During the evening concert at the park’s amphitheater, while Billy sang his greatest hits we noticed ominous clouds moving in from the west. The crowd was beginning to get nervous as thunder rumbled in the distance, but everyone still roared when we heard Billy growl, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going” - the opening line of the theme song from “The Jewel of the Nile.”
Before Billy finished the first verse, though, a bolt of lightning illuminated the sky. Someone ran out onto the stage and grabbed the singer’s arm. The music came to an abrupt halt as raindrops began to pelt the crowd. “Goodnight, everybody!” Billy shouted as he was hustled off the stage. Band members scattered while stagehands rushed to gather equipment. The crowd rushed toward the exits. Parents pushing strollers ran blindly through the parking lot, searching for their vehicles.
By the time we reached our car, we were thoroughly soaked. We laughed at the irony of thousands of people running away when the going got tough. Of course, this was the wisest course of action for the performers, the crew, and the crowd. But still.
What do you do when the going gets tough? Your answer likely depends on the nature of the situation. Determining whether to remain in a tough situation is a deeply personal decision requiring spiritual discernment. Sometimes the tough get going by staying put and working to improve a situation, becoming a catalyst for change in a broken system. Sometimes the tough get going by setting boundaries to protect themselves while they ponder long-term plans. Sometimes the tough get going by leaving an unhealthy workplace or relationship.
In her book How to Walk into a Room: The Art of Knowing When to Stay and When to Walk Away, Emily P. Freeman introduced me to the Japanese railway safety system of pointing and calling. Japanese railway workers are trained to reinforce their actions physically and verbally, which focuses their attention and increases their awareness. This practice, called shisa kanko, has been documented to reduce errors by 85%.
Drawing from her experience as a spiritual director, Freeman suggests using the practice of pointing and calling to those who are considering whether or not they should make a change in their lives. Using the image of a house, Freeman invites readers to explore the commitments, communities, roles, and relationships that comprise the “rooms” in our lives. As we mentally walk through these rooms, pointing and calling as we go, we become better equipped to make decisions fully aligned with our values and longings.
When the going gets tough for me, I get going by gravitating toward God. In the toughest moments of my life, the Spirit of God has guided me. Sometimes I have stayed too long in a painful place because I pushed back against the Spirit’s prompting. Other times I have been able to set boundaries that allowed me to remain in an uncomfortable room as God sustained me. The Spirit of God has also led me to develop an exit strategy that made it possible not only for me to leave a room with grace, but also to enter a new one with courage.
When the going gets tough, what do you do?
